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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917224">The dreams of a child</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asthefirerises/pseuds/Asthefirerises'>Asthefirerises</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Baby Luke, Body Horror, English is not my first language I'm sorry in advance, Gen, My First Fanfic, Please don't be too harsh, Self-Harm, because this is Vader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:36:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asthefirerises/pseuds/Asthefirerises</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke is five and Vader is angsty.<br/>(Or, where Luke's dream leads to Vader saying "I'm done" to old Palps and coming back to the Light).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Luke Skywalker &amp; Darth Vader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The dreams of a child</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi!<br/>This is my first fanfiction and I'm very stressed!<br/>Feel free to correct in the comments if a sentence sounds off/there's a spelling mistake.<br/>Also, please be aware that I have no idea how to use punctuation in English because in French it's different and eNgLiSh iS HaRd.<br/>For the Self-Harm, it's at the beginning and it's just Vader being Vader *emoji facepalm* and it's not essential to the story so you can not read it if it you find it disturbing!<br/>I hope you like it,<br/>Have an amazing day/night!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In his meditation chamber, Vader breathed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His gruesome mask finally removed, he could taste the oxygenated air of the pod. He closed his eyes, forcing the air in and out his damaged lungs into shallow and irregular breaths.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Dark Lord of the Sith focused on the tendrils of the Dark Side engulfing his Force presence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day had him tired, and the tendrils were slower and weaker than usual.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unlike the Jedi meditation, which consisted of opening oneself to others to find peace and calm, the Sith used their inner pain and fear to strengthen their connection with the Force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today, there was only one thing that would work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Darth Vader opened his eyes to look at his deformed reflection on the polished walls of the chamber. While doing so, he shifted his body in as to reopen one of the largest wounds not entirely healed on his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wave of pain cursed through him. He saw his scarred mouth opening in a silent scream that what was left of his vocal cords could not afford.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately, the Force swirled around him, begging him to let it in to appease the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This brought another wave of pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amidst the darkness, the rays of a bright sun penetrated his immaterial presence and scorched his skin. The unplanned attack startled him and he recoiled as far as he could behind his shields. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The incessant beeping of the monitors regulating his heartbeat and breathing made him come back to reality. His heart was pounding in his chest, and for a moment, Vader saw the fires of Mustafar executing a lethal dance on his body. The moment passed soon and he blinked, his damaged eyes unable to filter the too-bright light of the neons.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He forced himself to calm down, falling back onto the breathing patterns that Ob-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t think of that name.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Breathing was something he had to do consciously outside the suit, and his lungs were never as full of oxygen as they should be. The suit kept him alive. The suit </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, and as much as he had loathed to admit it, there was no way he could go on without it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man in the chamber was a weak crippled thing, but outside of it, oh, he was a god.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The arm of metal over his head began its descent, and once Vader’s vision was crimson red once again, he took a full breath, and told himself that there was no point in thinking about life when he was Death himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His body once again under control, he couldn’t help but be curious about the bright intensity of earlier. The answer came immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Luke !</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>At five years old, the boy was infinitely stronger in the Force than Vader could ever hope to be (Anakin had been like that, but his time was long gone). Despite his small size and shyness, his presence radiated strength and peace, like an experienced Jedi would have.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy had been here for two months, but Vader had not spoken with him much. Luke was terrified, and Vader had no clue on how to reassure him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But tonight, the boy had reached for him. The Light had been too strong, too demanding for it to be involuntary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was the boy having troubles ? Shouldn’t he be asleep by now ?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stretched his senses, hoping for a bit of insight on the situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luke’s fear was thrumming in the Force. However, Vader knew that this fear was most certainly directed toward him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the day they met, the boy had not stopped crying and screaming to go back to his house, kicking and biting everyone until the medics had to sedate him. When he had woken up, Vader had tried to talk to him, but with little success. The boy was afraid of him (and this hurt more than he would ever admit).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From there, Luke had been locked in his room, playing with what little toys Vader had managed to give him (without ever showing himself, that is, to prevent another panic fit).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Multiple times, Vader had positioned himself behind the door, telling himself that he should go in and speak to the boy, but in truth, he was as afraid as Luke, so he stayed in the corridor, listening to the babbling of his son playing in his room, until the sound of his respirator made itself too evident. Luke would go quiet, and Vader would leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was not Padmé (her name still hurt). She would have known how to speak to her child. He did not.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She would hate you for letting her boy be afraid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Wherever she was, she would already hate him after what he had become.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he had to try.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a touch of the Force, he opened the pod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood up slowly to prevent the pain from making him stumble, and when he was sure that his legs would buckle under him, he strode to Luke’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once outside the door, he paused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What could he say to the child ? He had every reason to be scared of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There would be nothing that Vader said or did that would appease the child. Perhaps the child had extended his awareness to him in an effort to reassure himself of Vader’s lack of presence instead of asking for him to come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A small voice inside of him reminded him that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Padmé would be so disappointed in you, Ani.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned the handle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luke was hiding under the covers, his small form curled up in a ball. When he heard the door, followed by Vader’s loud breathing, he started shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are projecting your fear in the Force. What is it, Luke ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The child stayed silent for a moment, and Vader feared that he had upset him further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke whispered “There’s a monster in my closet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vader stilled. If there was anyone in this room, he would have felt him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no one in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blond boy peaked from under the blankets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But yes, I saw it !”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vader took the handle of the closet’s door. This made Luke cry out:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO ! No don’t, he wanna kill you !”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was Luke afraid of a monster that wanted to kill Vader ?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw… There’s lightning on his fingers, and… And you’re on the ground and-and I can’t do anything…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The child bursted into tears, repeating “I can’t do anything”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lighting? There was only one person in this galaxy that used this technique.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Palpatine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke had a nightmare of Palpatine killing him. As if there were any other options for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vader asked himself if this was a vision of the future, or if his Master had shown this to Luke on purpose. The thought elicited a feeling he could not quite place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His Master was absolutely not supposed to know that Padmé’s child was alive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vader approached the crying boy and kneeled next to the bed. When Luke saw him, he threw his little body on Vader’s chest and his arms encircled Vader’s throat—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Sith stiffened at the contact, and for a long moment, Luke stayed like this, entangling his little fists in his cape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, he raised his arms and hesitantly wrapped them around his son.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gesture was clumsy, he did not know where to put his hands, he did not know if the pressure was too much or too little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Padmé, he had known how to behave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, there was Mustafar. The licking flames had forever damaged his skin, and the pain and shame had taken away his desire for tenderness. And this was the first human contact he had had in six years. It… hurt, in a way. Luke’s small form, the innocent child, curled up in the arms of a mass murderer was wrong. Vader’s throat tightened, and he closed his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had forgotten how to care for someone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A violent desire to protect the little one at all cost made its way to the Sith’s heart. Luke was still clinging to him, crying. As carefully as he could, Vader readjusted his grip on the boy and stood up, ignoring the pain that coursed through his body. He made his way to the closet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look, Luke” he said, wincing when the words came out too loud, too sharp. The little boy raised his head and rubbed his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he saw the closet door, he shrunk back, trembling even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As gently as he could, Vader threaded his finger into the blond mop of hair (he knew it was blond because he knew Luke’s medical file by heart, but for him it was just another shade of red), coaxing him to look. When he did, Vader ignited his lightsaber (pretended not to feel the flinch that ran through Luke) and let the scarlet light prove that no one was there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no one here, little one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke nodded, and Vader felt himself relax as Luke straightened, assurance coming back into him. Once Luke was satisfied, he deactivated his weapon and went back to the bed. Hoping that it would hold his weight, he sat down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The small boy made himself comfortable on his lap, and shyly looked up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You promise you won’ let him hurt ya?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice of his child (it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> child) was very high pitched and so unlike anything he had ever encountered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise, little one. And I will protect you from him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke nodded several times, considering the words, before the gravity disappeared from his face and morphed into a beaming smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay, thanks !”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned on the Sith’s chest, eyes closed, sucking his thumb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Vader did not move, enraptured by the sight. Then he smiled, a simple curling of his lips that painfully tugged on the sore scars on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes later, his child was completely asleep in his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sudden worry that this moment was only a vision, a dream, that the boy in his arms was only a ghost </span>
  <em>
    <span>no one alive would trust you like that</span>
  </em>
  <span> attacked the fallen Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gripped the child tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vader could feel his weight on his thighs, and his occasional squirming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His son was alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was not afraid of him, nor he seemed to despise him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had told the child that he would protect him from Sidious. This meant that the child had to be as far away from his Master as possible, and by consequence, far away from Vader too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The prospective hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could not be separated from his child so soon. Even when the boy would be old enough to understand who his Father really was, and hate him, Lord Vader did not think that he would bear to be away from the youth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, he had also promised his own safety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Palpatine loved to play with him. He has done it since he was nine years old. This meant that he had to go too. The Emperor never stopped from reminding him what he was—</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You are more machine than man.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Who he was—</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anakin Skywalker was weak.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And whose he was—</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You are mine. Do you hear ? Mine !</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>When he failed, his Master tortured him, like in Luke’s vision, or with horrid surgeries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He remembered a time when all the pain had not existed. A time when he wasn’t happy (no, he never had been happy, he always wanted more) but when everything was easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A time when he had a brother, a father, a beloved wife and a little sister in all but blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His gaze fell on the boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This child was the only thing still worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was Padmé’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With this in mind, the fallen Jedi tucked the sleeping boy into his bed and headed to his private office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew someone who could help him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to find Obi-Wan.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
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